For those lovely people that leave for Spring Break I am insanely jealous. Nothing is more awful than being one of the only people that never leaves for Spring Break. Here are the reasons why.

1)      Everyone else leaves.

2)      We live in a small town.

3)      A combination of reasons one and two, my only friend is Gilmore Girls.

Which normally with my introvert level of solitude is usually great, but like all girls I only like being alone when I chose. All you gosh darn vacationers need to come home.

The only thing that makes me angrier than the idiots who don’t understand the difference between affect, and effect is the annoying girlfriends I see. I believe everyone knows exactly what kind of girlfriend I will refer to. The ones that never expect to pay for anything as long as they are dating a boy, any boy. For goodness sakes the other gender is not a freaking personal piggy bank. And thank you these awful girl’s boyfriends, you have successfully created yet another generation filled with gold diggers. It really makes you wonder about the generation that is raising us. What kind of parent(s) allows this to go on? Granted they can not possibly know everything that these girls do; but they let this go on, encourage it, or created some sort of value in the girls that makes them believe this is actually okay.

Maybe I am just in one of those awful moods I get that creates a burning desire to read the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, the poems of Edgar Allen Poe, and get in a bitter sparring match of violent hating words. Does anyone know a parent that actively condones this kind atrocious behavior? Raise the bar people, this is America you can be anything and you chose to be a low-life gold digger? Do they realize a gold digger is basically a contracted whore? Fantastic you are a contracted whore, now if he dies you can fight over his wealth with his daughter that is either the same age as you or older than you.  

So for a lighter mood we move to eyelashes and eyebrows. Now these particular features make a human being look normal, without them we look strange. But does anyone ever actually think about how annoying they actually are? I love my eyelashes don’t get me wrong. They are reasonably full and with how pale I am they actually appear to define my face a little bit. But do you ever get one of those rebel eyelashes that will no longer curve with the rest? These destroy any smidgen of a good day if it existed at all.  They poke you in the eye, they look funny, and they take time to take the tweezers to remove.

Taking the tweezers to eyebrows is common for women (and males who man-scape). They are great; my mother always says the eyebrows are the picture frame of the face. But when a portion of your eyebrows (usually no more than three eyebrow hairs) acts much like a rebel eyelash. With eyebrows the problem is usually curling over, sticking straight out like a unicorn horn, or practically falling out but no falling out. Eyebrows can suck.

            This is for my one and only follower Molly Wynn. I hope to the Lord and savior that you are reading this because if you are not I am frightened by how alone I am. So I had these wonderful donuts (gluten-free of course) that my father made, they were delicious. However, they were covered in sugar so I am sitting in my room wide awake. While I am wide awake I start thinking of funny people I know because I’m watching Gilmore Girls and I thought of you. One of the only people that actually realizes how funny I can be (which is not my fault the rest of the world has something wrong with them obviously could not be me) and how thankful I am to have you. Not only can you show me where every piece of art supplies in the art room is, you are hysterical.

So here’s to you Molly Wynn (a mental toast to you). May you forever be as intelligent as the great Shakespeare. As artistic as Salvador Dali (or Monet if you prefer). Please be witty as Whitney Cummings, Jeff Dunham, Daniel Tosh, Bo Burnham, and the great Louis C.K., combined forever! Keep your hate cup full mine left first when I got a boyfriend, after that was over and it came back I got baptized. I can not lie to you it makes you stop hating life, darn that whole “being officially saved” thing. Fill the world with your comments even if you do delete Mollyology, spread your unadulterated truth of the world by mouth. Everyone needs a blunt voice of reason.

Do not let me down you are our one hope Molly Skywalker. And be as awkward and sarcastic as possible in the process. And if you become a famous commedian or artist, I will be one of those “She was kind of my friend in high school!!!” people… But it will actually be true.

Gingerbread

So everyone who has had gingerbread knows it is dense and rock hard. It is the fruitcake of the cookie world. It stays soft while it is warm and as soon as the damn cookie cools it begins to harden, and thusly all the misfortunes gingerbread creates.

1.      Gingerbread sucks to make. It is filled with molasses and tons of flour… This makes a big mess. I am used to cleaning up the cooking mess, but the mess from gingerbread is unbelievable. It is absolutely ridiculous. And it takes about an hour just to set all of it up to bake. The baking time is about as long as a cake and you have like four different baking sheets to get through with the dough that weighs about ten pounds.

2.      The icing to hold the house together dries all the way through in 20 minutes. So you need to make it fast and use it quickly.

3.      Then there is the decorating. Everyone wants to beautiful little house, how many get the beautiful little house? One. One person get’s the little house that everyone loves. Everyone else feels jealous and artistically lousy.

Holidays:

 Doesn’t everyone just love sitting at the huge dinner table ready to carve a gorgeous golden brown turkey, accompanied by the classic Thanksgiving side dishes.  Or a Christmas with little ones playing with toys while some thin woman starts putting out a honey ham that would instantly shoot your cholesterol up 55 points on a table, next to golden flakey rolls, and sitting next to fine china and special occasion silverware

That doesn’t happen if your family is even close to mine. After a solid few days of straight cleaning, and dealing with being screamed at for not doing a good enough job on whatever task you were given, all you want to do is rest. That does not happen. The day of the event there is intense cooking. I commend my mother for being able to do it at all, let alone well. There are things every where, there is always multiple hot things on the stove and something in the oven; meaning I am band from all cooking activities due to my ability to break and destroy anything. By 2 o’clock my mother has a complete break down and my father and I clean everything up and I receive a menial task like: do the dishes, mince some onions, or my favorite “Whip the heavy cream, and don’t break the dish this time.”

Boyfriends:

          They are great and I currently do not have a single bad thing to say about my boyfriend, but how other people react to your boyfriend drives me nuts.“Oh you guys are so cute.”  “Oh he’s totally hot,” accompanied by a pinning look in their eyes, making you want to say AWKWARD!  Best friends who means well but every time you bring up said boyfriend they quickly make a face that says “Awe you’re growing up!” Even if you happen to be older than said best friend, and this is not your first experience talking to the opposite sex. And then there is the bitter person that says “I really don’t see how you’re together.” Well great you bitter soul; you’ll die alone and unloved too.

General Craziness:

            So many experience it; the crazy people walking up to you, your heart starts pounding, and then you are forced to talk to them. Well in my case I am not the person that is being approached by a crazy person, I am the crazy person. I am odd. I dance in the hallways, I am so clumsy I spilled acid on my lab partener multiple times, scream while talking when I get excited, have tendencies towards obsessive compulsive disorder, and hey I have oddly old womanish phrases. HOWEVER, I am not certifiable. I rest my case.

Isn’t college grand?

So after dealing with the community college for years you’d think the high school would know how to deal with the need of our text books. Understanding what they need and of how much because they’d known since the beginning of school how many students were in each class. You would think that or maybe even assume that. However, just like always the school is extremely unprepared. We had an extreme shortage of books for both of the classes I am in. Now if I was a normal everyday participant in college classes I’d be buying my own books, when the school says they will pay for your books you’d think they’d have the book on time so you can actually pass your classes. Being unprepared for my Philosophy class makes me more irate than listening to my U.S. History teacher. There are four students from the high school in this Philosophy class, the books are only thirteen dollars brand new at full price and they aren’t paying out of the State’s pocket. I know government systems have to tighten the purse strings, but seriously? That is a total of sixty-five dollars, a highly inexpensive rate for five textbooks.

Well hate cup has depleted due to my sleepiness so I shall blog again some other day.

So my first blog was inspired by and dedicated to a wonderful person, Molly Wynn.

My hate cup is full to the brim and my first session of hating on all things school, or even related to life is Pep Night.

Here is the basic description of Pep Night: Screaming. In between four skits, four songs, four class cheers, and four backdrop unveilings; there is more screaming. There is a round where every student in the stands is screaming their “chant.” What is a chant you might be wondering? Each class screaming the year of their graduation, this year is 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015. There is also the “wave” in the crowd. Honestly can anyone explain why you are doing the “wave?” Seriously people, it is to say “No even though we suck this year we will not lose the Home Coming game.”  When you enter High School do the vast majority go into this logic that we seriously are the best there is? HAVE YOU SEEN OUR SCHOOL!? HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT OUR EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND WILL BE WHEN WE GRADUATE!? Geez you people irrational people make me sick.